Single people love Tinder; the simple, yet superficial dating app that kills time, entertains and allows you to date at a fast pace. The concept is simple; feast your eyes upon a catalogue of potential suitors; swipe right if they’re hot, swipe left if they’re not and if the attraction is mutual you can chat. If you’re a guy on Tinder and your match rate is low – you’re probably wondering what’s wrong with you? Before you assume it’s your face, fear not, you’re probably just making one of the following mistakes that’s prompting the lethal left swipe. I asked some of my guy mates to pose and help demonstrate 20 big Tinder mistakes – enjoy!
1) Skip the funny captions on your photos
If you enhance your photo with captions like: ‘sexy match of the day’ or ‘the one to pick’, this shouts out ‘desperate’ more than anything else. It’s hardly cryptic and instead of thinking ‘what a catch’, we’ll just be wondering why you went to all that effort.
2) The ‘Catch Of The Day’ fish shots don’t impress us
Yes we know you’re proud of the gigantic halibut you caught last summer – but let’s face it, a sloppy fish isn’t exactly the definition of sexy. Tinder isn’t the place to flaunt it. The catch of the day might impress the guys, but it’s not going to get the girl.
3) If you’re holding a baby, we’ll assume it’s yours
We understand your angle - ‘girls dig babies, this will look cute’, but unfortunately if you’re holding a baby we’ll assume it’s yours, not your niece/nephew or your friend’s baby. So ditch the baby shots or risk the left swipe!
4) A photo with a token hot girl isn’t going to make us think ‘babe magnet’
Just because you’re pictured with a hot girl, we’re not automatically going to think: ‘he must be God’s gift to women’. Also, how are we supposed to know that it’s your sister/friend in the photo? We’ll probably assume it’s your girlfriend, or if she’s hot, we’ll at least expect you to have tried it on with her.
5)Topless shots don’t impress
What happened to a bit of good old fashioned mystery? If you think we’re going to see your rippling abs and think: ‘amazing body, I must date him NOW,’ you’re wrong. Instead, these are the thoughts that will go through a girl’s head: ‘vain, egotistic, probably body obsessed, boring, hasn’t got a life outside the gym, will judge me for eating a kebab.’
6) Don’t even think of photographing any other body parts
No. Just don’t go there.
7) If you’ve got sunglasses on in EVERY photo, we’ll worry you’re hiding crazy eyes
You might look hot in shades, but if you’re got them on in EVERY single photo, we’ll start to wonder what you’re hiding underneath. In summary: don’t hide, show us your eyes!
8) We don’t want to be pen-pals
If we’ve been talking to you for a while (several days, not several minutes) we’ll probably be open to the suggestion of a date, so get a move on, we don’t want endless months of small talk.
9) Zoolander style pouting shots are a no-go
You’ve been practising this for a while…your chin is lowered, your head is tilted to the side and you’re channelling David Beckham. A subtle pout – ‘maybe she’ll think I’m a part-time model.’ Black and white filter – sorted. Sorry boys, but the pouting shots do nothing more than make us cringe.
10) You may be on there for a casual fling but don’t assume every girl is too
Don’t immediately assume Tinder is just for casual hook ups. Many girls will seriously want to date you. So forget the dodgy pick-up lines and the obvious attempts to have a meaningless fling.
11) Bad taglines can be a deal breaker
You might think taglines are going to ‘seal the deal’ but they can actually be detrimental. Don’t write your full life story (a bit of mystery is good), otherwise we’ll assume your blurb is a copy and paste job from every other dating site you’re on. If you give your mobile number/twitter handle/social media details – we’ll wonder why you’re not afraid of stalkers? As for the ‘Tinderella jokes’ – we’ve heard it all before. So if you must have a tagline – keep it brief and interesting.
12) Be careful of your background in the photos
A toilet should never be the backdrop of your profile picture. If you’re taking a bedroom shot, at least tidy up – we don’t want to see tomorrow washing strewn all over the floor or messy bed sheets.
13) If you only post group photos, we’ll assume you’re the ugly guy
Harsh but true. You may think you’re looking popular with ‘the lads’ but we’ll just be wondering which one you are and why you decided against having any solo shots. It’s a big effort to try to figure out which guy you are, so we’ll probably just swipe left and move on. In short, don’t try to trick us into thinking you’re your hot mate. (Ps. To my guy mates - I just wanted to confirm none of you are the ugly one in the photo below).
14) If we forget to reply, a ‘hi’ is ok, bombarding us with messages is not
If we accidentally ignore you, don’t go all crazy on us and bombard us with messages; we’re probably just busy or having a little Tinder break, if we’re interested, we’ll get back in due course.
15) Don’t just have all side profile/arty shots
If we can’t see the front of your face, we’ll wonder what you’re hiding! Be a bit more adventurous and let us see the full picture rather than an mysterious arty shot.
16) Actor headshots can be a bit cringeworthy
Yes, we know you’re trying to impress us with the fact that you starred as an extra in a movie that went straight to DVD in 2006. The formal headshots aren’t necessary, just show us the real you…having fun!
17) The sports car photos need to go
Wondering why you keep dating gold diggers? Tinder is about your face, not your number plate. We don’t care about the car you drive. The worst is when there are no pictures of you, just the car.
18) Stop taking bad selfies
If you must take a selfie – avoid the mirror shot where you’re blocking your face with your phone in the reflection! What’s the point of a photo like this? Also, skip the arm behind the head, in the bed shot. We’re not going to think ‘I wish I was in that bed too’, we’re going to find you a little bit creepy.
19) Ditch the ‘that’s me in the distance’ shots
‘Errr nice mountain…’ One tip: keep the camera close! We want to get a good look at you, so if you’re a tiny dot in the distance, how are we going to tell if we fancy you?
20) Don’t pose with a weapon
Seriously – you may assume holding a machine gun or a samurai sword makes you look manly, but to us, this ticks the ‘terrifying’ box and we’ll worry that you’re a bit of a psycho!
So there you have it – 20 mistakes you may have been making on Tinder. (Many thanks to my guy pals for being such good sports). Now you understand how girls think, it’s time to do something about it! So delete the awkward bathroom mirror selfie and the photo with your brother’s baby, and you’ll be well on the way to those magical right swipes.
Are there any other things that should be on the list? Comment below if you’d like to see a follow-up with the girls’ version of this article and let me know what the ladies are doing wrong…
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