‘Do you think your Mother would like me as a Son-in-Law?’
That was my Dad’s opening chat-up line when he first strolled up to my Mum on a Saturday night in a Leicestershire bar. You might be thinking that this line is cheesy or overconfident, but the story that follows is quite remarkable. (My parents are pictured above in 1977 and 2013).
It was 1976 and my Dad had just finished playing football for a local team and was out with his teammates to drink and celebrate their victory.
My Mum, on the other hand was having a quiet evening out with her parents sitting either side of her. A shy and innocent girl who certainly wasn’t out for a wild night of partying! Admittedly, my Dad had consumed a few beers to boost his confidence, but as soon as he saw my Mum, something instantly felt right and he knew he couldn’t risk not seeing her again.
It was not an easy feat to woo a girl with her parents as spectators, but he still decided to approach her with the most daring ice breaker of all time. Introducing yourself as the potential future Son-in-Law takes a lot of guts, but it clearly paid off. The amazing thing was, as soon as they started talking, they immediately clicked and it was as if they had known each other all their lives.
My Dad was on a roll after his legendary ice breaker. On their first date, he proposed (she said yes!) and 11 months after that, they were married. It’s now 38 years later and they’re still as happy as the first moment they met.
Call me a hopeless romantic, but stories like this fill me with optimism that I’ll know when I meet Mr Right. I love hearing people’s stories about their own thunderbolt moments, the Italians call it the ‘Colpo di fulmine’ – an attraction so powerful that it strikes you like lightning! Then from that moment onwards, your life changes for the better because of that one person who has stepped into your life.
Through films, music, poetry, art and literature, a romanticised picture is often painted for us about ‘soulmates’.
‘According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.’
― Plato, The Symposium
Take a spoonful of Plato and mix it with a generous helping of The Notebook, sprinkle a little bit of optimism on top and you’ve got high expectations of women all over the world. We all want to believe in fairytale romances and that things are ‘meant to be’.
The question is, have we been watching too many romantic movies? Do soulmates actually exist and is there really such a thing as ‘the one’?
With a population of 7 billion people in the world, it’s hard to believe that there’s only one person out there who is destined to complete you. It’s like trying to find sunken treasure in the ocean. If you look hard enough, you’ll eventually come across different jewels, some that shine brighter than others. It may take time looking for them, but it’ll be worth the wait rather than just picking up something that’s immediately visible to you on the beach but doesn’t mesmerise you.
There are people in our lives who we meet and they completely blow us away, but at different times in our lives, we have different needs.
The person we’re looking for when we’re 17 is a lot different to the person we’re looking for when we’re 30. This isn’t to say we’ll meet someone then need a different person years later. It’s more about going through these stages of life at the same pace as someone else. Finding the right person, at the right stage who will perfectly sync with your needs and aspirations at that time. An intuitive realisation that something is right.
We connect with many people during our lifetime, and it’s a case of being lucky enough to find someone where the timing is right and you’re both looking for the same things.
Many of us are waiting for the show stopper, the game changer who makes the single life seem out of the question. There’s no right or wrong time to settle down but it’s not just about how you feel about the other person, but how they make you feel about yourself too. I do believe there are certain boxes that need to be ticked – physical attraction, chemistry and feeling completely comfortable and at ease when you’re with the other person. For longevity, there needs to be a deeper connection, an understanding, a meeting of the minds and a complete fascination with one another.
If we go back to Plato, it’s someone who makes us feel content and complete. Not that we feel we are incomplete without them, but just that they add something to us, that maybe we didn’t realise was missing until we met them.
As you make your journey through life, you’ll meet thousands of people, make strong connections, and your past relationships will help you to learn and grow.
Just look out for those ‘colpo di fulmine’ (thunderbolt) connections with people, as those are the ones that could really change your life.
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