“She’s playing games with me.”
“I have no idea how she feels about me.”
“She’s just disappeared off the face of the Earth.”
“We were spending so much time together then she went cold and I have no idea why.”
I’ve heard all of these things before. Usually they’re from guy friends who feel they’ve been messed around by a girl who has left them in an agonising state of confusion.
Typical scenario – let’s call these two people James and Susie. So James has been spending a lot of time with Susie and he’s really starting to fall for her. She’s beautiful, funny, cute, intelligent and they hit it off from day one. From chilled movie evenings to adventurous day dates, they’ve had so much fun together so far. They’ve even discussed holiday plans. It’s all going great, then for some reason, Susie becomes cold and changes the way she acts, with no explanation whatsoever.
James finds himself in this frustrating ‘limbo territory’ and feels silly for letting his guard down and becoming smitten so soon.
He has no idea what’s going on. Maybe Susie is just busy with work at the moment? Perhaps she’s playing hard to get? Is this just a game? Is there another guy? Then James starts to wonder if he’s overreacting. This thing could come full circle – perhaps he should just wait? How long should he wait though?
They start to see each other less and less, and even if James dates other girls, he can’t get Susie out of his head or close that chapter as it feels like ‘unfinished business’. He’s pigeon-holed her in the category of ‘the one that got away’, but he’s still not even completely sure that she has got away yet.
So James adopts the role of ‘playing it cool’ but there’s actually nothing cool about the way he’s feeling right now. He’s opted to take part in the ‘waiting game,’ but he hasn’t got a clue if she’s into him or what’s going through her head.
Boys – here’s the lesson you need to learn. Women are not that confusing and you shouldn’t be left feeling perpetually baffled about our behaviour and feelings.
It’s not fair on you, just like the same situation wouldn’t be fair on us. We’re emotional creatures, and if you ask us directly to speak our minds, we will.
So what’s the ONE question you need to ask girls you’re dating who leave you in this state of anxiety?
“How do you feel about me?”
Yes it really is that simple. Time and time again, I witness guys who would rather wait months and months, racking their brains about what they may have done wrong and not being able to move on. They’re completely stuck but because they’re playing it so cool, they’re afraid to actually ask for some clarity.
You’re probably put off by that word ‘feel’, right? You’re thinking that it’s not a guy’s role to candidly enquire about feelings, but why not? An honest question will get an honest answer. You think we’re playing games with you, but often our ‘games’ are just the fact that we are trying to interpret and decode what we label as your ‘games’. We’re all speaking in code and getting even more confused trying to work each other out. Wouldn’t it be a lot easier if we spoke our minds and said what we really want?
In this sort of scenario – many things could have happened with James and Susie, for example:
a) She’s just busy with work
b) She’s decided James is in the ‘friendzone’
c) There’s another guy
d) She (wrongly) assumes James is not keen on her and his silence is an indicator of this
e) Things have fizzled out
So this is a call to all guys out there – stop getting stuck in limbo and if you’re unsure about how a girl feels but you like her, be brave enough to ask a girl straight out what’s going through her head. Worst case scenario: she says she doesn’t have feelings for you and you get rejected. Wouldn’t you be glad to know sooner rather than wasting months fretting about one girl? Imagine all the girls you could meet in the meantime.
If she’s not the one for you, there are plenty more girls out there who could be, so stop waiting and be brave enough to speak out.
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